let me know if I'm the only one that does this...

Do you ever...

- Look at others who are so carefree..thinking I used to be just like you..

- Roll your eyes when folks complain..

I caught myself rolling my eyes at a friend that was complaining about how tired she was from all the traveling she had to do for work.. Umm.. tired.. i'll show you tired.. Try the day after effects from Rebif! I know that's not entirely fair but hey ...this is my blog! :)

I'm still here...

I'm still here ..

Those 3 words mean more than you think. If you are reading this and you are going through something, just remember that you are still here.

I have alot to share about what's been going on with me so stay tuned..

Still single .. (Well look on the bright side, I don't have to change the name of my blog) ;)

True Blood - Where are you?

Where is my new episode of True  Blood tonight? 

I was looking forward to seeing:

-What is in the heck is Maryanne? - Is she a shapeshifting pig?

- Is Sookie going all Twilight on me and wanting to be a vampire?

Anyone else watching this?

Rebif - My smile is back!

Go Rebif! Go Rebif!

- I just noticed that I can feel my face again. The left side of my face had been numb since May and I had actually gotten used to it.  This is soooooo exciting!!! 

It's funny cause folks are looking at me crazy because I can't stop smiling.. I smile becuase I couldn't for 2 months..

 Wow - life ...  just in case you wondering.. yes I'm smiling right now  :)

I want to believe in what I cant see..

I've taken some time off my job to get my emotions in order.. Funny I really thought I would bounce back from this. It's taking more time than I initially gave it.

Sometimes I don't even think about MS..and then other times it's all I can think about. I heard a preacher say that God allows the need to meet the need. This is definitely a need that only He can  meet. The problem is I'm a doer.. I thrive on action, I meet needs, I help others. This is the 1st time I've ever said I can't do this on my own.

I've mentored young girls who were raped, had eating disorders, low self esteem and I always told them that God can do anything. He's got HIS eye on you.. but now when the tables are turned, I need help to believe. I know it's not the end of the world..but today I woke up very focused on me.. 

I'm going to try to switch my focus to HIM today, my problems always seem smaller that way. I know everyone who will read this may not believe in God.. more specifically Jesus - I can understand how life's troubles can seem to have a so so  defense that he might not exist. I've heard folks say that how can a loving God let these things happen.. What if God is allowing these things to happen so that we don't go another minute thinking that we've done all this on our own. It's amazing how troubles seem to make you fall on your knees in prayer.  You realize that none of this is your doing, but God who's been keeping you and will continue to keep you.

I 'm sitting here on my patio looking at the blue sky, I woke up this morning in my "right" mind, I'm breathing and seeing, did I mention I woke up...

I chose to believe in a God that has never failed. Yes I have MS but that's not a failure and maybe that's what I need to learn. 

Another Break Up

I have a new woman in my life and I think we aren't meant for each other. She doesn't listen to my feelings and I don't feel that she likes me anymore. (She's only with me for the copay) The foundation of any relationship  is trust and communication so let me tell you how we got here. 

Well my doctor diagnosed me so she DOES know I have MS but every time I call her with a symptom to she says it's not MS. 

Symptom #1 - The left side of my face went numb. Only the left side

--> She said it was migraines NOT MS. By the way - it hasn't gone away in 4 weeks and I 've never had migraines.

Symptom #2 - Got overheated and couldn't breathe.  Felt like someone was squeezing me.

-->She said I didn't have asthma and wasn't sure what was wrong with me.

ok - I am getting quite tired of diagnosing myself. I want to trust her judgement about MY body but she poo poos all my symptoms away. I wouldn't wish this on anyone but I if I could give it to her for 1 day I think she would treat me a little differently. So should I break up with her or give her another chance?

What Defines You?

What defines you?

I once thought it was my job/career. I am always proud to tell people what I do because it sounds and is successful. It makes me feel like good. But that doesn't define me..There's more to my story.

- With this new diagnosis, I now see that my identity has totally changed. I am in the process of figuring out who I am now. If my job changes - who am I ? If I move, then who am I? Something has to stay constant amidst all these changes - right? What about you - what defines you?

Day one Respectively

Day One was really February 16th,2009 the day those 3 words were spoken to me from a single dark and handsome doctor. "You have Multiple Sclerosis" ( I know it's 4 words but stay with me)

I remember laughing in his face and telling him that I had carpal tunnel and he must've read it wrong. We broke up from that moment on..

I went on an made an appt with Dr KG who diagnosed me on March 3rd, 2009. Fast forward to today --> My life changed over the course of 2 weeks and no one has noticed. Work didn't stop and make sure I was ok, life kept going. I'm not going to say:
1.) It's not fair
2.) Why me?
3.) God what does this mean
4.) Who's gonna marry me now?

I'm not going to say any of those things, Im just not...Right??? Maybe I'll just think them with tear stained pillows. I'll only give myself 1 day to stay in that place and then I'm moving on whether my flesh likes it or not.

So today I sit before you in a new place. Ready to take on the world, not knowing the future, but resting the hope of the God who made me. I smile because my future is secure in HIM. Today is a new day, I reserve the right to change everything about me except my mindset.

Thanks for stopping by - Hope to see you again.

Single for now...