I want to believe in what I cant see..

I've taken some time off my job to get my emotions in order.. Funny I really thought I would bounce back from this. It's taking more time than I initially gave it.

Sometimes I don't even think about MS..and then other times it's all I can think about. I heard a preacher say that God allows the need to meet the need. This is definitely a need that only He can  meet. The problem is I'm a doer.. I thrive on action, I meet needs, I help others. This is the 1st time I've ever said I can't do this on my own.

I've mentored young girls who were raped, had eating disorders, low self esteem and I always told them that God can do anything. He's got HIS eye on you.. but now when the tables are turned, I need help to believe. I know it's not the end of the world..but today I woke up very focused on me.. 

I'm going to try to switch my focus to HIM today, my problems always seem smaller that way. I know everyone who will read this may not believe in God.. more specifically Jesus - I can understand how life's troubles can seem to have a so so  defense that he might not exist. I've heard folks say that how can a loving God let these things happen.. What if God is allowing these things to happen so that we don't go another minute thinking that we've done all this on our own. It's amazing how troubles seem to make you fall on your knees in prayer.  You realize that none of this is your doing, but God who's been keeping you and will continue to keep you.

I 'm sitting here on my patio looking at the blue sky, I woke up this morning in my "right" mind, I'm breathing and seeing, did I mention I woke up...

I chose to believe in a God that has never failed. Yes I have MS but that's not a failure and maybe that's what I need to learn. 

Another Break Up

I have a new woman in my life and I think we aren't meant for each other. She doesn't listen to my feelings and I don't feel that she likes me anymore. (She's only with me for the copay) The foundation of any relationship  is trust and communication so let me tell you how we got here. 

Well my doctor diagnosed me so she DOES know I have MS but every time I call her with a symptom to she says it's not MS. 

Symptom #1 - The left side of my face went numb. Only the left side

--> She said it was migraines NOT MS. By the way - it hasn't gone away in 4 weeks and I 've never had migraines.

Symptom #2 - Got overheated and couldn't breathe.  Felt like someone was squeezing me.

-->She said I didn't have asthma and wasn't sure what was wrong with me.

ok - I am getting quite tired of diagnosing myself. I want to trust her judgement about MY body but she poo poos all my symptoms away. I wouldn't wish this on anyone but I if I could give it to her for 1 day I think she would treat me a little differently. So should I break up with her or give her another chance?